What a Week!

Phew! This has been quite a week so far!

On Monday, I received a call from my agent with worrisome news - the Case Officer handling my Visa informed them that my Visa was being 'held up' because of my health report!

I've been given a clean bill of health so I was really anxious about what they could have possibly found unfavourable in my health report!

Anyways, after my agent finally managed to get clarification from the Case Officer, it appeared that it's simply because a new Health Declaration Form needed to be signed before the Visa would be released.

PHEW!! Those were the longest few minutes, waiting for the clarification and assurance that all was well!

Tuesday, I met my agent and signed the form and also gave her details of my tentative flight booking for next Friday! Wow... I am soooo close to leaving... FINALLY!!

Wednesday, I can't even recall what I did - everything seemed to pass by in a flurry! I feel as if I'm here, but not really here! I guess that's because I'm on !!

I've been feeling a whole myriad of emotions. I'm super excited about flying over to Melbourne and starting a new life there, but at the same time, I'm kinda nervous because I've never been there before, and don't really know what to expect. I'm also feeling a tinge of sadness that I'll soon leave my family and friends behind, as well as life, as I've gotten to know it in Singapore. I will definitely miss those I hold dear to my heart. I will also miss the food and the shopping here.

Sadness and Happiness... both at the same time. I'm lucky in a way because I've got two close friends and a few other friends there. Plus, there are plenty of to-be friends there - friends of friends, and new colleagues, and people I'll meet as I start my life there!

These weeks of leisure have allowed me to take a slow pace and reflect on things. I've come to realise that I'm pretty rigid in my thinking concerning certain things and I want to be more open-minded and more positive from now on.

Afterall, that's the best attitude when facing a new life and new challenges ahead!

Better Happily Single than Miserably Married!

Yesterday, after watching m:i:III with mom and dad, I went to Great World City with mom to purchase our new washing machine because our old one short-circuited and triggered the safety on the circuit box. :P

In the taxi on the way home, mom said that when her colleagues and friends asked why I was still single when my younger brother had already gotten married, she said, "Better happy and single than married but miserable!"

I found that really amusing! Just a few years back, she appeared worried at my single status, but I kept regaling her with real-life accounts of friends who got married, and then divorced, or those who got married and are facing difficulties and unhappiness. I guess that got to her so now, she never asks me about boyfriends and all that anymore!

It's truly sad, but we live in a world where people no longer bat an eyelid when telling lies and when being deceitful. You see married women with children dressing up to the nines and leaving their children with their maids whilst they go clubbing and flirt openly with other men. And the caveat is, they feel absolutely no remorse! They just want to make themselves feel good, feel sexy, feel desirable... everything else is secondary...

And then there are the married men who commit adultery. I've been approached by married men before and a few of them blatantly tell you about their wife and kids and then in the very same breath, ask if you'd like to 'have some fun in a hotel room'!

It used to be that immoral things like these would have a huge stigma attached. These days, it's so common and widespread that no one bats an eyelid over such acts anymore.

And that, is so tragic...

Let Me Fly Off Already!!

Last Friday, I opened my Australian bank accounts! Whooppee!! It was pretty easy too - just call the bank and give the customer service rep your details over the phone and voila... bank accounts ready!

Then, this morning, I remitted money into my Aussie accounts. Mission accomplished!

And then, I faced difficulties trying to contact my agent. Why am I not surprised? It isn't funny already, seeing as how she insisted that I would get my Visa ready so I can fly off by this coming Friday but that we just might get it done on time to fly off last Friday.

All these delays, and the only thing consistent were the delays.

Sigh... how much longer, I wonder?

Laying Your Cards on the Table

I wonder how many of you out there can identify with my dilemma.

I hate having to 'play games'. I don't mean 'games' of the fun, entertaining, hobby sort, but 'games as in mind games, manipulation games, games of strategising, plotting and being sly.

However, sometimes, when I approach a situation or issue not wanting to adopt the aforementioned stance and attitude, I end up getting manipulated, made use of, and worse, mocked for the simple-minded fool I appeared to be.

Lately, I witnessed a few of my friends who are simple-minded, naive and without ill intent in them get bludgeoned by the wolves they were dealing with at work and / or in their personal lives. I've known these friends to be really sweet folks who won't harm a soul and they are not the cunning sort and it really hurts and angers me to see them being used and abused by others. I sit with them through their heartache and tears and feel really indignant that good-hearted souls need to suffer at the hands of others who are more 'sophisticated' in their dealings.

Which brings me to this - there's a dilemma between wanting to conduct my dealings by seeing the good in everything; and being wary and cautious and not trusting anyone until that trust is earned.

Of course, the best option is to be wise in your dealings, to be able to perceive the true character of a person and then approaching him/her accordingly. However, not all of us can be good judges of character all of the time.

I hate to be bitter and jaded, but times when I try to give the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions and treat someone nicely, more often than not, that person will end up trying to manipulate me or take me for granted. Of course, there are the rare gems who have integrity as well and those are people we should treasure as our friends.

To be shrewd and yet be magnanimous... that's a really tough balance to strike. Witnessing a spate of nasty, heartbreaking incidents that had happened to me and my friends lately, it's sometimes really hard to decide how to toe the line.

Sometimes, I feel that Chu Chin-Ning, the author of "Thick Face, Black Heart" is wise to promote the following principles :

-Fight back when you have been wronged
-Find your inner warrior, and conquer all in your path
-Claim your natural right to dazzling wealth
-Unchain your primitive killer instinct for a life-affirming cause
-Apply deception without sin to win the deal you want
-Dare to succeed by cultivating the courage to fail
-Transform your negative qualities to your advantage.

However, at the same time, there is a nagging doubt in a part of me that says I wouldn't want to be so calculating, scheming and callous.

In a recent girls' night out, someone brought out the point that we should keep everyone at arms' length and not open up to them too much until they have proven to us that they are sincere people who are keen to be more than mere acquaintances with us.

I keep thinking that "I can't do that, it's just not me" to adopt this kind of attitude. But I'm wondering, by not doing so, am I being foolish and foolhardy? Does wisdom mean having to be shrewd? Can we not be wise and kind-hearted without being gobbled up by the power-hungry and the mean around us?

I've been pondering this issue for a long time now...

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These...

This is the ultimate food-lover's bedsheet! How can one not sleep well with a bedsheet like this?

Learn From The Cat!

Yup! Yup!! Take it from the cat - it's no use dwelling on it, whining over it, mourning over the loss, and all that ... because there's more to life than one lost nugget!

Fish got away? No problem... see the school of fish coming our way?

A Cute Table Display...

... a Laughing Buddha sitting smack in the middle of a lotus pad of gold coins, and holding on to a string of gold beads and a prosperity symbol! Isn't it cute?


It's meant to be an incense-holder but it's just sitting pretty on a corner of the computer table now. I spotted it for just $2 at a small neighbourhood shop in West Coast. Mom grabbed it and bought it immediately!

Angel's Philosophy

Here's a phrase that Angel often uses that makes helluva lotta sense : "Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option."

Actually, to tweak it a little, I'd rather go, "If someone treats you like an option, don't make him/her a priority."

You might say, "Duh... but of course!" to this but how easy it was for me to throw caution to the wind and plunge into the abyss. I was an absolute sucker once - hopelessly fighting for acceptance, attention and acknowledgement. I became myopic and my vision narrowed down to a pin-prick vision where nothing else mattered much. Jealousy got the better of me and honestly, looking back, I hated who I became when I was trapped in the web of insecurity and dwelling in the musty dungeon of self-doubts. I was constantly working for someone's approval, but it was never forthcoming. And as a result, my self-confidence went sky-diving.

I'm keen to cast it all aside and move on. I'm not going to lug unnecessary baggages with me on my trip, nosiree! In this instance, I'm going to adopt the hard and unyielding stand that if one's not for me, then he/she is against me!

Life is too precious, and also too short, for us to waste our time and attention on people who do not reciprocate your feelings towards them. You can hold out a hand of friendship to someone, but if that person does not respond likewise, then it's better to withdraw and offer your hand to someone else who's more responsive and appreciative.

It isn't all about making the other person feel wanted and loved and needed... it's also about me. There has got to be a mutual feel-good about the friendship. Much as we ought to 'love one another', if our feelings are being toyed around with or if we're suffering in the friendship, maybe, it's best to go love someone else instead. In being commanded to 'love one another', it was never insinuated that we hang around and be a punching bag or to be constantly made use of. Nobody deserves to be chronically mistreated.

Intrinsically, I'm strong. I've survived much worse. Someday, I'll look back and wonder why I compromised in the first place. But for now, the sadness and frustration that I've been steeped in is slowly dissipating and in its place, I feel indignance at being mistreated and taken for granted. It's good that I'm no longer whiny and moody because it means that the storm clouds are lifting and I'm slowly getting over the whole saga!

I'm going to surf on the rising tide of renewal, out of here, and on to my new life! The outlook is very bright indeed!

Faye's Mirror Principle

Faye, a friend of mine and fellow blogger here (click on the "Lost in Space" link to access her blog), reminded me of an important life principle. It's so simple, but yet, I seem to have forgotten it and I really thank her for reminding me of it weeks ago :

Be like a mirror in life - if someone treats you well, treat them well back. But hold out and don't share your life with people who do not treat you well enough to deserve you opening your hearts to them.

Well, she didn't say it in those words but the gist is there.

I've been living life with a weird principle - I am largely suspicious of new peeps but once I like someone, I tend to really like him/her. I am an extremist - I either like you, or I don't. And it's darn obvious where someone stands in my life! Of course, there are people whom I'll classify as mere acquaintances - that's inevitable given the number of people we do get to meet in life.

However, lately, I've come to the painful realisation that there are a few friends whom I've embraced into my close circle who really ought not be there at all in the first place. These are the people who are apathetic, those who obviously don't really care for me and do not have my best interests at heart.

Friendships, to me, are like playing a game of tennis - you hit the ball, I hit it back. Both sides have to WANT the friendship to be close and both sides have to work at making it work. If one side's always doing all the giving, and the other side doesn't reciprocate, the friendship will eventually end up being unbalanced with at least one person being unhappy.

Intrinsic to close friendships is the need to know that you're being accepted completely by the other party. You want to know that you can be yourself, and still be embraced. You want to be assured that no matter what, the other person will still want to go out with you and still like your company. Since we're all different, we have different levels and different types of needs. What's acceptable to you might not be acceptable to me. We crave intimacy, depth of friendship, assurances, sensitivities, etc in different doses. It's not a one dose fits all prescription.

It has not been easy for me - drawing closer to a friend, but yet, knowing that the feelings aren't reciprocated. I cared for that friend deeply but yet, whatever I've said to that friend is nought and the friend would only listen to other friends' same advice.

That's not just the only issue that hurt me - it's also knowing that my company means nothing and that I'm probably a "better than no company" option.

Seeing that friend care so much for others but not for me, has not been easy to stomach. It's as if I mean nothing at all.

Enough's enough though... it's time to move on. Since that friend is apathetic, then it's appropriate for me to stop thinking so highly and so much of the friend.

It's not going to be easy but I have this on my side - self-love. I have enough self-esteem to know that I may have my faults, but I'm also loveable in other ways, and if a person whom I considered my close friend does not appreciate me, then it's best for me to relegate the friendship out of my close circle and stem my heartbreak.

Bitter pill to swallow but ultimately, it's for everyone's good.

One More Hurdle Cleared!

I received my blood test results yesterday and ... I'm HIV -ve! I also tested negative for Hep A & B!

I remember a few years ago, my nursing colleague and I shared the same sentiment - that we are afraid of stepping forward to donate blood because we're afraid of what our blood tests might reveal. :P

As Nurses, we do come into contact with HIV +ve and AIDS patients and there are the unfortunate needleprick injuries that hopefully, never occur. So far in my career, I've suffered one needleprick injury and that really freaked me out. We do take precautions but you do know that even the best laid plans may sometimes face hitches, right?

So, now that I've got a clean bill of health and my Medical Reports have probably been received by the Immigration Office already, they should be processing my Visa now.

Hopefully, my agent kept her word and had my Visa Application Form couriered to the Immigration Office last Tuesday. Barring any hitches, my Visa should be received real soon!

I'm having butterflies in my stomach at the thought of my Visa coming soon! This is the moment I've been waiting for for so long and yet, with the Visa comes the time to finally draw the curtain on certain things, and open a new door and step out into the unknown.

A part of me cannot bear to part with the people I've grown to love and the life I've gotten used to here. But another part of me welcomes the fulfillment of a dream and the fruition of the sacrifices I've made and the trials I've suffered for the past seven years.

I'm in transition now, right in the calm vortex of the hurricane, and I'm ready for the challenges ahead.

Last Step Taken!

Today, I went to the recommended clinic in Paragon to have my medical check-up done and Chest X-Ray taken.

Now, that's a milestone because that's the last thing I have to do before I get my Visa. I've completed the application for a Visa and given it to my agent, together with the relevant copies of documents that have been stamped and certified true copies by a notary member of public, and my agent should have sent my application out via courier today.

My blood test results ought to be back tomorrow so the clinic will collate everything, fill up the relevant areas on the forms, and despatch the results via courier to the relevant office in Australia tomorrow, or latest by Friday.

And that's it!

Hopefully, there won't be any more hitches. Let's hope that my agent really has the contacts she said she has so the entire process can be expedited. No more delays, please!

And oh, btw, I've decided to start another blog to write about my adventures in Melbourne - . I can then use this blog as a sort of personal diary. ;)

Now, or Later?

My agent keeps telling me that it's time to get prepared for my impending departure to Melbourne, but I'm hardly paying attention to her because since September 2005, she has been consistently promising deadlines but never meeting them. She has also been assuring me that she'll call me back, get back to me, etc, and hasn't made good on her various promises.

I've also gained a valuable insight - when something is said to take only 'one week', in reality, it's more like three to four weeks. :P My friends who have been living and working in Australia for some time all tell me to get used to the new nuance because I'll be facing this time and again.

It's now the 24th of April, seven months after I first approached the agent. It's deliriously close to the end of April and yet, my agent insists that I will have my Visa and leave Singapore by the end of the month.

Do I believe her and start tying up loose ends? Or do I apply the usual rule of Promised Deadline X 3 or X 4 to get a more realistic projection of my real departure date?

I wish I had a clue! Haha!

I wish though, that I had more concrete deadlines to work with because I'm a stickler for schedules and 'To Do' lists. How to plan ahead and plan well when the dates and time lines are still vague?

In utter frustration, I've told mom one night that I think we migt want to start our own agency one day to assist nurses in getting jobs in Australia and moving over. With mom's strong admin background, coupled with my own admin experience and nursing background and contacts, I'm sure we could pull it off, and do a much better job too!

Anyways, it's time to take a deep breath, assume the Lotus Position, and keep the impatience and frustration at bay. This time round, I really hope that everything will proceed smoothly and I shall see my Visa soon!

I'm sooooo keen to start my new life down under! I'm sooo eager to say !